Parents may have trouble setting concrete family policies for alcohol use. And they may find it difficult to communicate with children and adolescents about alcohol-related issues. Research shows, however, that teens and young adults do believe their parents should have a say in whether they drink alcohol.
So, picture this: you’re a father, and you’ve just realized that your son has developed a rather unhealthy relationship with alcohol. No, not the kind where he enjoys a glass of wine with dinner—more like the kind where he thinks beer is a food group. You might be scratching your head, wondering how to help him, especially when he seems to think that admitting he has a problem is as unnecessary as a third pair of socks in summer.
This is the situation that a father recently shared with the ever-reliable advice column, Dear Abby. His son, an alcoholic, has decided that seeking help is not on his to-do list. And let’s be honest, that’s about as frustrating as trying to explain to your dog why he can’t eat your homework.
The father’s dilemma is a relatable one. He loves his son and wants to help, but he’s met with resistance that could rival a teenager’s aversion to cleaning their room. The son’s refusal to acknowledge his addiction can feel like trying to shove a square peg into a round hole—no matter how hard you try, it just doesn’t fit.
Abby’s advice typically revolves around the idea that while you can lead a horse to water, you can’t make it drink—especially if that horse is a stubborn, beer-loving young man who thinks he knows everything. It’s a tough pill to swallow when you realize that no matter how much you want to help, the decision to seek help has to come from him.
So, what’s a concerned parent to do? Here are a few nuggets of wisdom that might help you navigate this rocky road:
1. Open the Lines of Communication: It’s crucial to create a safe space for conversation. You don’t want to come off as the alcohol police, but rather as someone who genuinely cares. Try asking open-ended questions that encourage your son to share his feelings. Think of it as a casual chat, not an intervention—unless you’re planning to serve nachos and wings, in which case, proceed with caution.
2. Educate Yourself: Understanding addiction can help you approach the situation with empathy rather than frustration. It’s not just about the alcohol; it’s often a deeper issue. So, go ahead and read up on it. You might find out that your son’s drinking is his way of coping with something else entirely.
3. Set Boundaries: While you want to support your son, it’s also important to set boundaries to protect your own mental health. You can’t pour from an empty cup, right? If his behavior is affecting you, it’s okay to take a step back. Just don’t make it sound like you’re putting him on a timeout.
4. Encourage Professional Help: If the conversation starts to progress, gently suggest that he might benefit from talking to someone who knows their stuff—like a therapist or a support group. Just make sure to frame it as a suggestion and not a command. Remember, you’re not his life coach; you’re his dad.
5. Be Patient: Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s more like trying to watch paint dry—painfully slow and occasionally frustrating. But every little step counts, and being there for your son, even if it’s just to listen, can make a world of difference.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this struggle. Many families face similar challenges, and resources are available to help both you and your son. So, take a deep breath, keep your sense of humor handy, and remember that patience is key. After all, if you can survive the teenage years, you can survive this too!
Inspired by: “Dear Abby: My alcoholic son won’t get help for his addiction” (r/Entertainment)