Welcome to the life of serial casual … the hoe phase can be characterised by reckless actions, random sexual experiences, awkward text message conversations, and possible hungover ……
Ah, the infamous ‘hoe phase’—the time when your best friend seems to be auditioning for the role of the next romantic lead, but instead of a blockbuster hit, it feels more like a low-budget rom-com. You love her dearly, but let’s be honest: having a friend who’s knee-deep in this phase can sometimes feel like a full-time job. And not a particularly rewarding one at that.
First off, let’s clarify what we’re talking about. Your friend is hopping from one guy to another faster than you can say ‘commitment issues.’ One minute she’s weeping over her latest ex, and the next, she’s sending you selfies from the passenger seat of some dude’s car, all while you’re just trying to figure out what to have for dinner—ah, the joys of friendship!
Now, don’t get me wrong—she’s young, she’s free, and she can do whatever she wants (within reason, of course; I mean, we all know that one girl who thinks ‘free’ means she can try every guy in the friend group). But when her entire identity revolves around the latest man in her life, it can be a bit exhausting for those of us who are forced to listen to her melodramatic monologues.
Let’s break it down. She’s constantly texting you about how she misses her ex, who she’s still in daily contact with (and let’s not even get started on the pet names; I’m convinced they have a secret language at this point). And just when you think she’s finally ready to focus on herself and her friendships—BAM!—she’s off with another guy, leaving you to wonder if you should start setting up a support group for friends of serial daters.
The real kicker? She’s not just dating; she’s catching feelings. A lot of feelings. Like, she has more feelings than a Netflix drama. And every time it ends (because let’s face it, it usually does), there’s a new round of tears, and suddenly, all men are trash. Meanwhile, her exes are probably sitting around wondering what they did wrong while she’s crying into a pint of ice cream, contemplating life choices that involve a lot of bad decisions and questionable text messages.
It’s like watching a soap opera unfold in real-time, but instead of the dramatic music, you just have the sound of her sobs echoing in your ear. And trust me, it’s hard to stay supportive when you’re also dealing with your own life problems, like whether to binge-watch another series or finally clean out your closet (spoiler alert: the closet is still a mess).
What’s even more frustrating is the sneaky tactics she uses to get her way—like using a mutual friend as a decoy to get closer to a guy she likes. Seriously? Why not just send a carrier pigeon? It’s less complicated. You can’t help but feel a little used, like you’re just a pawn in her romantic chess game.
So, what do you do? Do you drop her like a hot potato? Do you become the friend who’s ‘too good for drama’? Well, here’s the thing: you don’t want to be like those friends who ditched you over some guy, but at the same time, your sanity is important too. It’s a delicate balance between supporting your friend and preserving your own mental health.
Maybe it’s time for a heart-to-heart. You could gently remind her that while it’s great to explore her options, there’s more to life than being someone’s plus one. After all, friendships should come first—at least until she finds someone who can handle her emotional rollercoaster without needing a safety harness.
In the end, navigating the ‘hoe phase’ with a friend is like trying to walk a tightrope while juggling flaming torches. It’s not easy, and there will be moments where you want to throw in the towel. But hang in there; friendships can weather the storm, and who knows? Maybe one day she’ll find her way back to a healthier balance, and you can both laugh about how ridiculous this phase was over a glass of wine (or two). Until then, just remember to keep your phone charged for all those late-night sob sessions. You’re going to need it!
Inspired by: “Having a friend who’s in their “hoe phase” sucks” (r/GirlDinnerDiaries)