Ah, the world of contract killing! It’s like a really dark game of telephone, except instead of whispering secrets, you’re trying to off your competition. Buckle up, folks, because this story from 2013 is a wild ride from a Chinese businessman named Tan Youhui who decided that the best way to deal with a rival was to hire a hitman. Spoiler alert: it only got more complicated from there.
Picture this: Tan, probably sitting in a lavish office with a view, thinks to himself, “You know what? I need to eliminate my competition. I’ll just hire a hitman for $282,000.” Now, that’s some serious cash! You’d think it would get the job done right away, but oh no, this is where the plot thickens like a bad soup.
Instead of taking up the job himself, our hitman decided to play the ultimate game of outsourcing. He hired another guy to do the dirty work for a mere $141,000. I mean, if you’re going to be a hitman, why not save some cash, right? But wait! This second hitman didn’t want to get his hands dirty either. He thought, “Why do the work when I can hire someone else?” And just like that, the chain of hitmen began.
Now, this is where it gets a bit ridiculous. The third hitman hired a fourth, who then hired a fifth, and so on. At this point, it’s like a bizarre episode of ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’ but with life-or-death stakes. Each link in this deadly chain is cutting into the budget, but not the commitment to the job. You can almost visualize them sitting around a table, with the last guy saying, “So, what’s my cut?” Can you imagine the awkwardness when the final hitman realizes he’s only getting a fraction of the original amount? Talk about a bad business model!
And let’s be real here, can you imagine the conversations they had? “So, what do you do for a living?” “Oh, I’m a hitman, but I don’t actually do the dirty work. I just hire other hitmen. It’s a hitman pyramid scheme!” Talk about a career path with no upward mobility.
The whole situation sounds like a plot in a dark comedy film—imagine a gag where the last hitman realizes he’s been hired to kill someone who’s already three hitmen deep in the process. It’s like a reverse ‘Mission Impossible’ where everyone just keeps passing the buck (or the bullet, in this case).
In the end, it’s a cautionary tale about the dangers of outsourcing, especially when it comes to contract killing. If you think about it, it’s a bit like ordering fast food—sure, it seems quick and easy, but you might end up with something you didn’t even want.
So, the moral of the story? If you’re ever tempted to take out a competitor with a hitman, maybe just try a more traditional approach, like a stern talking-to or a passive-aggressive email. Because let’s face it, you don’t want your plans to spiral into a deadly game of musical chairs with hired guns. Save the drama for your mama, folks!
And remember: in the world of hitmen, always read the fine print. You might just get stuck with the bill for the guy who ends up eating your sandwich instead of taking out your competition!
[Insert image of a cartoonish hitman looking confused with a bunch of contracts in hand.]