Some years ago toilet paper companies started selling “double rolls.” Then mega-rolls. Could that have begun when the size of a toilet paper sheet began to shrink? The truth is, we don’t even need cores in our toilet paper. Institutions have “coreless” rolls of toilet paper. If that coreless roll was made available for the everyday public we would need a new center piece for our toilet roll dispensers.
Ah, the noble toilet paper dispenser. A seemingly simple device designed to provide us with that oh-so-critical resource during our most vulnerable moments. Yet, somehow, these contraptions have evolved into a source of pure frustration. If you’ve ever found yourself staring at two full rolls of toilet paper, completely inaccessible due to the whims of a poorly designed dispenser, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate the genius of the person (or team) who decided that making toilet paper hard to reach was a good idea. Was it an elaborate scheme to encourage fitness? “Let’s make them waddle to another cubicle! That’ll count as cardio!” Or maybe it’s a secret initiative to promote social interaction in public restrooms. Nothing says bonding like sharing a laugh over your mutual struggle to snag a roll while your pants are around your ankles.
In the spirit of solidarity, let’s discuss the various types of toilet paper dispensers that have contributed to our collective misery. First, we have the classic wall-mounted dispenser, which is often placed at an unreachable height. You know, just in case you wanted to practice your gymnastics skills while trying to wipe. Then, there are the ones that use these ridiculously tiny slots that make it feel like you’re trying to extract a prized possession from a safe rather than simply grabbing a piece of paper. And let’s not forget about the ones that are so tightly wound, you might as well be trying to unroll a burrito wrapped by an overzealous chef.
Now, let’s talk about the real kicker: the dreaded empty roll. You’re sitting there, minding your own business, and suddenly you realize the roll has betrayed you. The panic sets in. You’re forced to make a choice: do you risk the shame of waddling out to find help, or do you try to MacGyver a solution with what’s left of the last square? Spoiler alert: neither option is particularly dignified.
And of course, there’s the inevitable judgment from others. “Look at that poor soul, they didn’t even check the roll before they sat down!” Thanks a lot, bathroom critics. I’m just trying to survive here.
So, what can we do about this? Well, we could start a petition for more accessible toilet paper dispensers. Or maybe we could just carry our own rolls everywhere we go. Just imagine the looks you’d get pulling out a roll in a public restroom. “Oh, what’s that? Just me being prepared for anything!”
In the meantime, let’s unite in our quest for better bathroom experiences. The next time you find yourself in a stall with inaccessible toilet paper, remember you’re not alone. We’re all in this together, one awkward waddle at a time. And who knows? Maybe one day, we’ll be able to reach that toilet paper without performing acrobatics or risking our dignity. Until then, happy wiping!
Inspired by: “Two full rolls of toilet paper completely inaccessible because of these stupid dispensers” (r/mildlyinfuriating)