Following her intuition, Hakima Tantrika read her boyfriend's diary and learned that he was planning to break up with her and that was an Incel.
Ah, the joys of flirting. That exhilarating dance of charming banter and playful glances, where two people engage in a delightful exchange that could lead to romance—or, in my case, a two-and-a-half-hour debate with an incel. Yes, you read that right. I’m here to share the tale of how I accidentally wandered into the dark side of the dating world, all while trying to enjoy a casual evening at an Irish pub.
Picture this: it’s a typical night out with friends, and I’m at a local Irish pub in Germany, surrounded by the thrilling ambiance of rugby (which, let’s be honest, I know nothing about). While my friends are glued to the screen, I decide to break free from the rugby-induced stupor and strike up a conversation with a cute guy sitting alone at the bar. His curly hair was practically begging for attention—who could resist?
Now, let me set the scene for you. I’m feeling pretty confident, channeling my inner flirt, and thinking, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Spoiler alert: I was about to discover a lot about the worst that could happen. The guy was friendly enough at first, sharing stories about his life in Ireland and his holiday plans. I was on cloud nine, convinced I was doing an impeccable job of flirting. I mean, I was practically radiating charm. Or so I thought.
As the conversation progressed, I quickly realized I was not only talking to a guy but to a walking red flag. It started innocently enough, but then he decided to share his insightful opinions on Irish women. Apparently, they’re all obsessed with reality TV and makeup, and he was still single because, well, they’re boring, fake, and shallow. Excuse me, what? I thought I had accidentally signed up for a comedy show, but instead, I was getting a masterclass in misogyny.
At this point, my initial attraction had completely evaporated, replaced by a mix of disbelief and a burning desire to set this guy straight. I mean, who talks like that? So, I did what any self-respecting woman would do: I called him out on his ridiculously offensive comments. His response? “You wouldn’t understand; you’re from a bigger country and don’t have a fair comparison.” Oh, sure, because generalizing an entire gender based on a few bad experiences is totally rational.
Then came the moment I tried to steer the conversation back to something resembling normalcy. I asked him about his hobbies, hoping to find some common ground. His answer? Fishing. Yes, fishing. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against fishing—it can be quite relaxing. But after an hour of arguing about his warped views on women, I was not exactly in the mood to discuss the merits of angling.
It was then that I realized I needed an escape plan. I did what any sane person would do: I dropped some unsolicited advice about how he might consider changing his perspective on women if he ever wanted to, you know, actually date one. His response was a resigned, “I’ll just stay alone for the rest of my life.”
And there it was, the perfect end to a bizarre evening. I walked away, shaking my head and wondering how many men are out there, trapped in their own toxic narratives, completely oblivious to how they sabotage their chances at real connections.
Two years later, I still think about that night. It’s a reminder of how vital it is to break free from harmful ideologies and not let societal pressures dictate personal worth. So, the next time you find yourself in a pub, trying to flirt, remember this: sometimes, the guy with the curly hair isn’t just a charming stranger but a potential incel, and maybe it’s best to stick with your friends and the rugby match after all.
And to my fellow women out there—if a conversation takes a turn for the worse, don’t hesitate to call it out. You might just save yourself from an evening filled with unsolicited rants about how women are ruining everything. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll stick to my dinosaur casserole and avoid any more bars for a while.
Inspired by: “The day I accidentally flirted with an incel” (r/GirlDinnerDiaries)