I recall now that a line of verse, written by Clinch Calkins twenty years ago, had been running through my thoughts for months: “The peril streamed through us like flags.” By an easy process of association, the peril of shopping had been linked up with the word “flags,” and from there it was an even easier step for my mind to pick out the cathedral calm of the Annin store as the perfect place for me to buy my wife’s principal Christmas present.
Ah, the joys of urban living! The bustling streets, the aroma of fresh coffee wafting through the air, and—oh wait, what’s that? A wall of flags blocking my view as I try to turn left? Yes, dear readers, welcome to the delightful world of shop displays that seem to have a personal vendetta against drivers everywhere.
Let’s set the scene. You’re cruising along, minding your own business, when suddenly you spot a left turn. It’s like a beacon of hope, a chance to escape the monotony of your straight-laced journey. But wait! Your excitement is swiftly dashed as you’re met with a colorful array of flags fluttering in the breeze, seemingly mocking your attempts to see oncoming traffic. It’s like a flag convention exploded right in the middle of the road, and you, my friend, are left squinting through a kaleidoscope of fabric.
Now, I get it. Shops want to attract customers. Who doesn’t love an eye-catching display? But can we talk about the practicality of these flagpoles? It’s almost as if they’ve been strategically placed to ensure that no one can turn left without playing a game of peek-a-boo with the cars barreling toward them. You’d think they were designed by a team of mischievous pranksters rather than savvy business owners.
And let’s not forget about the potential hazards! You could be cruising along, feeling like a smooth operator, only to find yourself in a precarious situation as you inch forward, craning your neck like an ostrich trying to spot a predator. Suddenly, you’re not a driver anymore; you’re an acrobat, performing a dangerous balancing act just to catch a glimpse of the road ahead.
Of course, there are those who might argue that a few flags here and there add character to the neighborhood. Sure, if by character you mean making it nearly impossible to navigate your way through town without feeling like you’re in a real-life game of Frogger. I can almost hear the flags whispering, “Come on, take a chance! What’s life without a little risk?” Thanks, but I’m good. I’d rather not turn my car into a wrecking ball.
And let’s talk about the aftermath of these flag-filled fiascos. Once you finally manage to make that left turn, you’re left feeling like you’ve just completed an obstacle course. You deserve a medal, or at the very least, a high-five from a fellow driver who understands the struggle.
In conclusion, while I appreciate the enthusiasm of shop owners in trying to make their businesses stand out, perhaps we could come to a compromise? How about some flags that are just a tad shorter or, I don’t know, positioned somewhere that doesn’t obstruct the line of sight? Because honestly, I’d rather not have to add “flag dodging” to my list of driving skills.
So next time you’re navigating a street filled with these colorful nuisances, just remember: you’re not alone. We’re all in this mildly infuriating battle together, trying to turn left without losing our minds—or our vehicles. Happy driving!
Inspired by: “Can’t see to turn left because of the flags these shops place.” (r/mildlyinfuriating)